Networking can serve many purposes — from exploring career paths and learning about different industries to building relationships over time. If your goal includes asking for a referral, especially from someone you don’t know well, it’s important to come prepared and approach the conversation thoughtfully. Take time to learn about the person’s role, their company, and how your own skills or experiences might connect to their work. This helps show genuine interest and makes your request more meaningful.
A helpful way to think about this is: asking for a referral is like asking for directions, not a ride. You’re not expecting anything — you’re asking for guidance and consideration. When someone can see your genuine curiosity, interest, and the steps you’ve taken to prepare for a career in the field, they’re much more likely to feel comfortable supporting you. (If you know the person well, they may already be familiar with your background, so less preparation may be needed.)
Referrals are common in industries like software/tech, consulting, and finance, but they are not guaranteed or expected everywhere. Before asking for one, it can be helpful to ask whether the company has a referral process and how it typically works.
When Is It Appropriate to Ask?
After you’ve learned about the company and the person’s role — it may be appropriate to:
- Express your enthusiasm for the company and its work
- Briefly share your relevant skills, experiences, or coursework
- Politely ask if they would be open to looking at your resume to better understand your skills and, if they feel comfortable, considering a referral
Sample Language
“I’ve really enjoyed learning about your experience and the work your team is doing. I’m very interested in opportunities at [company name]. If you feel comfortable, would you be open to taking a quick look at my resume and considering a referral if you think I’m a good fit?”
If They Say “No”
Thank them for their honesty and time. A “no” is not a rejection — it may be due to company policy, timing, or the fact that they don’t yet know your work well enough to recommend you.
You might respond with:
“I completely understand — thank you again for your time and insights. Do you have any advice on how I could strengthen my candidacy?”
If They Say “Yes”
- Thank them sincerely
- Ask about next steps (e.g., whether you should apply online first)
- Clarify any timelines or follow-up expectations
After the Conversation
Make sure to follow up within 1–2 days with a thank you message – see this example thank you email. You can express appreciation for their time, advice, and (if applicable) their willingness to help. A thoughtful follow-up strengthens the relationship and leaves a positive impression.